cyruspotnoodle:

nothinbutherain:

itsvolcanoday:

thequinnofthehudson:

whips-of-opinion:

rinielle:

Here’s some advice, direct from me to you. Try treating her like you would any other human being.

Get to know her, what she likes and doesn’t like, and treat her accordingly.

That’s it.

It’s that, damn, simple.

And if anyone wants to know what has prompted this post, you may read all about how FOX News thinks you should be treating any self-professed feminist woman right here.

Feel free to rage. I know I did.

Fucking FOX.

WTF? FUCK THAT.

Are you fucking kidding me?

This thing I hate most about this article- and trust me, there are a lot of things that I hate about this article- is the way it dehumanizes feminist women. “Oh no, she’s a contradiction- she can’t make up her mind about her own system of beliefs, so its up to you to make it up for her.” Which, I’m sure you can understand, is problematic on several levels including but not limited to: Telling men that women can’t make up their own minds, that they can brush off things women say, reinforcing (even unintentionally) the idea that a woman’s sense of self-worth is in her appearance, and encouraging a skewed power-balance in a relationship.

Lets take a closer look at some of the ways this article devalues or is condecending towards modern women in general, starting at from the top:

• The Picture

Firstly: I don’t understand what we- as readers- are supposed to glean about the article from the header, which is an image of a sultry, attractive woman in a bikini and a come-hither expression. Who honestly looks at this and thinks it is going to give them advice about dating a feminist? Seriously, Unnamed Author (from this point on UA), could you not find a stock photo of a man and a woman- oh, I don’t know- actually on a date?

Secondly: I personally find the image offensive when coupled with the subject matter of the article. At one point UA states that “While the notion of the sexy feminist isn’t completely false, you need to be aware of those pesky feminist demands that even the most independent of women is expecting you to ignore.” Sexy feminist, reader. Not intelligent feminist, not accepting femininist, but sexy feminist. Maybe I’m reading a bit into this, but when I see the phrase sexy feminist what I get out of it is: this man thinks that my system of beliefs regarding gender equality serve only to make me more attractive to him and get him off better. In other words, he sees my feminism as a sexual kink for him to benefit from. And, oddly enough, that’s not okay with me.

• ”[…] you need to be aware of those pesky feminist demands that even the most independent of women is expecting you to ignore.”

Okay, just no. Let’s start with diction: pesky. Synonyms of pesky include: Annoying, irksome, and bothersome. As a woman, your demands for equality in the world are annoying. And we are talking about demands here, UA says it himself. If I demand something, I am saying that I want it to happen or be given to me under no uncertain terms. It is something I feel is necessary to my life, livelihood, or happiness. I don’t like my demands to be taken lightly, do you? But here UA is proposing to just sweep them under the rug. They don’t matter, he insists, because she doesn’t really want them.

Yes, thank you, man-who-doesn’t-know-a-damn-thing-about-me, for enforcing the idea among your readers that my ideas don’t matter because you know better. You- as the big, strong man, know better than silly, little female me what I want. Hopefully this isn’t suprising to anyone except UA, but I know myself a damn sight better than anyone else knows me. Even if they think they know what is best for me, it is my opinion that matters at the end of the day, and you need to back the fuck off if you want to make a different decision for me.

This also vastly overgeneralizes women. I know some women that do subscribe to the sort of (I’m sorry, this part is my personal opinion) bullshit that this article is talking about. And then I know other who would sooner knee UA directly in the scrotum as soon as an expressly stated wish of theirs was ignored because its just some feminist thing that you don’t really mean anyway, ain’t that right, sweetheart? I fall into the second category. I’m preaching to the choir, but you cannot generalize like this. Get to know the girl first and find out the things she expects from you, and she will do the same. Boom, symbiotic relationship based on mutual understanding and not assumption.

• “Independent women today want to be valued for their intelligence, their work ethic, their kindness — oh yeah, and their looks. Things have changed, but they haven’t changed that much. Females who claim they aren’t impressed by compliments about their appearance are liars.”

Oh, gee, thanks. I might enjoy getting complements, but getting a complement for the way I look is never going to impress me. Why? Because it is a conclusion based on an observation that takes absolutely no skill to come to. You see something, are pleased with the way it appears, and boom, you’ve got something to say. It doesn’t take any skill, and unless you are complementing me in Elvish or Gallifreyan or have a very clever follow up that I haven’t heard before… I’m not going to be impressed by it.

Its important to note that the title of this particular section is “Don’t objectify me!” and UA completely misses the mark in his dismissal of it. Objectification is when you treat someone like they are a piece of meat- a piece of ass, a piece of breast, what have you. Objectification reduces a person to the parts that appeal to the objectify-er - in this case, I would be objectified down to my breasts and vagina. Its not a nice feeling, to put it simply. You don’t matter in that person’s eyes at all, but your parts do. The title is, when this is considered, similar to “Treat me like the person I am, not like something with which you can get off whenever you want to.”

UA dismisses this issue- this huge, far reaching issue, by going “eh, but they still care about the way they look and like being complemented so ogle away, boys!” Yes- I enjoy being complemented for the way I look. Complements- and I’m defining ‘complements’ as kind, approving statements that aren’t derogatory- are great. Yes- I take pride in looking nice. But no- and this is my big point here- I don’t do it to make myself more appealing for men. I don’t make myself look nice to be more appealing for anyone. I don’t put on make up to impress anyone but myself, and people that it will actually benefit my future as an individual to look good in front of- my employers. If it makes me feel good, I wear it. If it makes me feel confident, I wear it. It is- seriously- that simple.

This is a big distinction that, apparently, some people just don’t get: I like to be complimented. I don’t like to be objectified. As I’ve talked about in the past few paragraphs, there is a big difference between the two.

Let’s just look at one more thing that bugs the hell out of me with this article, and then I’ll link you to someone who can explain why this is horrible better than I can.

• “Your girlfriend’s salary: $55,000 a year.”

Why in the name of all that is good and holy is it necessary to talk about how much this theoretical girlfriend makes. Recall that it is generally thought of as very rude to ask someone how much money they make. UA could’ve gotten by just fine by saying “You should offer to pay for the meal every now and then because hey- that’s just a polite thing to do and she’ll insist on reciprocating because hey- that is also a polite thing to do.” Of course, this is not the route UA chose- by focusing attention on how much the girlfriend in question makes, it becomes less about being polite and more about paying her way because she probably needs the money for her bills or shoes or something.

Offering to pay for something is supposed to be a kind thing to do because you want to treat your partner to something because you enjoy their company and feel they deserve it. This is something that, ideally, the woman should also offer to do. Making it about her salary makes her the weaker one in the relationship and turns it into an oh-you-poor-woman-here-let-me thing, even if she makes more money than he does. Because the focus is on her and her money, not on him.

Okay, rant over. Read this now- This right here.